OsakaHugger's Lair of Random, Aelfenn Traedeers
by OsakaHugger
Summary: A story about some Elven 'businessmen' whose objective is to find a buyer for their stuff in Varrock to make some money, but something happens and bla bla bla, just read it kthxbai. I've but it on completed, but you never know...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey people of FF, this is the first time writing a first-person, 'happenin rite nao'-story. So if anything's wrong, SORRY BRO!**

I wanted so say something else but I forgot so just keep reading and whatever.

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**Aelfenn Traedeers  
Part One: It's kind of boring here... Let's find some stuff!**

**A Story of Random.**

**It's Random Time!**

It is a summer morning, the sun is shining, the bird are singing; beautiful.

Lumbridge is where we are, a barn in Lumbridge actually. Quite frankly, we are lost on our way to Varrock (my kind-of-friend can't read maps apparently) See, we're traders from the elven lands and we want to find a salesman in Varrock worthy of selling our sh...stuff.

My name is Aelfric and welcome to my story.

"Hey Alcwyn, you haven't lost our stuff right?" I ask, I'm fed up with Alcwyn for sending us to the farmlands instead of the Castle of Lumbridge.  
"No, and stop being angry at me. It was a mistake, just forget about it" is Alcwyn's response, it is obvious he doesn't like me being angry at him. I've known him for a long time and we're kind of friends.  
"Fine; just don't make any more stupid mistakes, alright? We'll leave this barn for the Castle in about ten minutes, apparently we need permission from the Duke to enter the farmlands" I explain to Alcwyn strictly. If he doesn't follow my orders we'll get lost again, for sure.  
"Okay, okay, I've packed everything. All I need to do is take a little bathroom break..."  
"Did NOT want to know that, Alcwyn" is my reply to his gore comment.  
"I'm going anyway" he says while walking past me, smirking.

I'm following him, and when he opened the door to the bathroom door I gave him a little friendly push, he trips and his head lands in the toilet.

"Oh for Seren's sake! That toilet-water _(reference)_ ain't even funny!" Alcwyn says screaming while looking for a towel.  
"Sorry bro, I overdid it. You know what, I'll pay the barn-owner" I suggest while trying to hide my smirk.

And whaddaya know? Someone knocks the door to the barn. It's the barn-owner.

"I came to collect my payment" he says, he's an old nice-looking man. He seems like the kind who fought in a war once.

I grab 12 coins out of my celestial bag and give it to him, "There"

"You think this is funny?" he says suddenly enraged, I startle and look surprised, "Take that damn look off of your face! This ain't no joke. I want more cash, 'else I'll get some guards to whoop yo ass!" he says enraged with a very serious face.  
"Alright, you don't have to shout you old daesteird (old elven curse word)" I say calmly.

The old man gives me a little push as if he wants to say, 'gimme some mo'. I run to the main room and quickly grab the packed stuff.

"Sorry old man, I'm all out" I say and push him to the ground. I run past the toilet and shout: "Hey bro, stop peeing and run!!!!"

He bashes through the door and runs past me, almost pushing me down too. I quickly follow him and now we're running next to each-other towards the center of Lumbridge. I look backwards and see no trace of the old man.

"Stop running, he's not following us" I say exhaustively.  
"I don't like pushing old people to the ground when we're done leeching off of their hospitality" says Alcwyn with a sad look on his face, "it makes me feel funny from the inside. A non-hilarious funny at that"  
"I know what you mean, stealing from thieves is different from stealing from old people. I promise we won't do it anymore. O.K.?" I ask very seriously, it really annoys me when old people stand in our way to steal from thieves. Stealing from thieves might make us thieves, but we use the money for our own Thieving Guild back in Lletya. And then we give the rest of the stolen stuff to the poor people in our village.  
"Hey isn't there a Thieving Guild in Lumbridge?" I ask suddenly.  
"Yeah why?" Alcwyn asks with a surprised look on his face.  
"I was just explaining to the reader that we use the stolen money for our Guild. And since there is one here we might stop by, right?"  
"Oh yeah, that makes sense. Shall we do it? It's not like we're strangers to them" Alcwyn asks.  
"But we must not forget to go to the Duke for one of those passes and then go to the City of Varrock"  
"Yeah, yeah. Let's go!"

We walk back into the direction of the barn. But we go into an alley beforehand. Alcwyn walks in front of me, slowly. He knows there might be traps around the Guild, as the Guards can't find out.

He suddenly falls, I quickly grab his hand and almost fall too. But I am strong! So I pull him back up and clean his knees from dirt.

"What was that?!" Alcwyn shouts.  
"...the river" I say slowly, I wanted to see Alcwyn's face.

Alcwyn looks around and sees the wild river. He turns back around and looks dead frightened at me.

"Thanks bro! I was almost salmon-food" Alcwyn says while hugging me.  
"Yeah, you've got to be careful of those killer Salmons!" I said while laughing.  
"Now, we've got to walk over the ledge, hold onto the wall of the building and jump into the trapdoor" I explain to Alcwyn.

Alcwyn looks towards the ledge, and asks: "Where's the trapdoor?"

"You'll notice" I say while pushing him toward the ledge. He falls and bashes right through the trapdoor.  
"There it is..." he says, you could hear how painful that fall was in his voice.

Alcwyn walks into the tunnel and I follow him. We soon enter the main room and greet Darren and Robin, who are the owners of the Lumbridge Elite Establishment of Thieves and Cocky Lying Useless Bastards, or LEETCLUB for short.

"Hey guys, long time no see! Welcome back to LEET!" says Darren happily, "where are Barwick, Bynni, Ceola, Cwenraed and the rest of the gang?"  
"Oh we're here together because our Guildmaster didn't want the whole party to go" I explain.  
"Ha ha, Deorwynn was being bossy again, wasn't she?" asks Robin.  
"Yeah, she does that sometimes..." says Alcwyn, I wasn't sure if he was disappointed or delighted by an enraged Deorwynn...  
"Honestly, she's hotter when enraged than when acting nice" I said sarcastically, I was really trying to be sarcastic...  
"I agree, you've got one hot Guildmaster. We're stuck with this old fart" said Robin while pointing towards Darren, who was used to being called old by Robin.  
"Geez Robin, give it a rest already. Now, gentlementlemen _(reference)_, did you want something?" Robin asks nicely.  
"We were actually on our way to the Duke to get us a pass to pass through the farmlands..."  
"Oh man, paying toll now? What kind of thieves are you?! Wait here, I'll get you one of our passes..." says Darren surprised.  
"You bought your own passes?" Alcwyn asks, I smack him on the head.  
"No stupid, we make some nice forgeries here. We also have birthday cards, and 'get well soon' cards"  
"Why would you want to make fake 'get well soon' cards?"  
"You could get someone's sympathy without liking that person, without feeling bad for it because you're actually saying 'die in a fire' by giving them a fake card. You get it?"  
"Sure" I respond swiftly while receiving the fake pass. We thank Robin and Darren and they show us the safe way out of the Guild.

-Later that day-

[12:41 PM, a Random Farmer's House in the Farmlands between Varrock and Lumbridge]

**Get out of my house! Special things in the RuneScape world? **

"Aelfric, man, look at this!" Alcwyn says while pointing into a cottage. I look through the window and can't believe my eyes.  
"Holy Bananas! The fudge is that thing?"  
"Quickly, get inside!" Alcwyn says.

I kick the door in and run towards the thing, I lift it up and put it in my bag.

"Get out of here, we'll find out what this thing is when we settle in Varrock!" I shout hastily.

A farmer runs out of the toilet and shouts: "You dang kids!" and waves his crossbow in the air.

"Bye little farmer" Alcwyn shouts teasingly, and we run away.

As soon as we see the residential area surrounding Varrock, we immediately start acting all businesslike, walking straight up with our weapons hidden securely in our backpacks. Doing nothing suspicious at all, or so it seems to the Guards.

"You're doing a fine job there, Alcwyn, keep acting trustworthy and we'll have a buyer in no-time!" I say proudly to my friend, to me he's not only a friend but also an apprentice.  
"I know, that's why I'm trying so hard. Acting trustworthy isn't as easy as being suspicious" responds Alcwyn, he tries to hide his happiness but I know he likes it when I'm proud of him.  
"Where are we going to stay?" asks Alcwyn suddenly.  
"We'll have to walk to the Main Square and find Ravorck's Bakery, there's a doctor and a hotel nearby; we'll stay at that hotel and we'll find a buyer in the slums tomorrow" I explain to Alcwyn, I'm pretty excited to be here in the big city. And finding a buyer would enrich our Thieving Guild, as we could sell our sh...stuff to the him.  
"Okay, let's go" says Alcwyn, and we walk towards the hotel. We stay there for the night and wake up early the next day to find out what the weird thing we find is.  
"Good morning bro, ready to find out what the thing is?" Alcwyn asks me, the thing was on the table and we sit down next to it on some chairs. We examine it and Alcwyn accidentally pushes a button...

*BLEEP * , the thing says, and the front suddenly starts flashing in a marine blue color.

"The fudge is this thing?" Alcwyn asks startled, but we keep watching.

The thing's front stops flashing and is now a constant marine blue color, suddenly symbols and words start appearing on the front.

/ Operation {|Varrock|}\

/? Welcome; Sir Henry

+Time+: ]=11:55 am=[

+Place+: {|Varrock Castle Gardens|}  
+Objective+: Kidnap Queen out of {|Garden Suite|}, take to {|Old Man's House, Main Square 3|}\

(/ Will keep you updated here, The Mole out\)

The thing's front turns back into the color of the rest of the thing and we hear a turning-off sound.

"I think we stumbled upon a rather large secret, what do you want to do?" Alcwyn asks, he says exactly what I'm thinking.  
"There are obviously two options, either go to the Castle Gardens and see what's going on... Or sell the thing with its secrets"  
"I say sell it, we're not detectives, why would we want to meddle with kidnappers?" Alcwyn asks, he makes a good point. But where to sell it?

Suddenly we hear a slash-sound, then a loud bang. Someone just crashed through our window! Alcwyn and I ducked under the table, Alcwyn was holding the thing when the Person Who Jumped Through Our Window walked towards us, the Person took the mask off and we could see her face clearly. It was a girl, a rather beautiful girl... Blond hair, Green eyes, and a body to die for.

"Hey guys, I heard you wanted to sell that Commorb?" she says while smiling, she's staring at the Commorb and touches it.  
"Who wants to know?" Alcwyn says bravely, he sounded like a really shady person...  
"Geez, that sounds so bad. You guys mobsters? No, don't respond to that, I couldn't care less... I'm Taessy, a new recruit from the Thieves' Guild in Lletya" she explains.  
"Dude, we're from that Guild. I'm Aelfric and this is Alcwyn. We're here to try and sell the stuff we don't need at the Guild..." I explain, I was really surprised to see such a beautiful girl being part of our Guild!  
"Oh, then do you wanna figure out what's going in the Castle Garden? It's 11:45 am now, and it's about 5 minutes away" she asks enthusiastic.  
"Sure, we're in Varrock, so finding a buyer will be easy. What I'm trying to say it I'd like some adventure while in Varrock. Let's do it!" Alcwyn explains, he could have been more straight to the point by saying 'let's do it' immediately, why it doesn't really matter... in fact, this whole sentence doesn't need to be written as you'll understand what is going on by reading the dialogue. I know, right?

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**Btw, there WILL be a second part (You know, the Garden and the people... and stuff) I'll post it next week or something... **


	2. Chapter 2

**So, this is the last part of this story, I was getting bored with it; I don't like writing in future tense...  
Have fun and R&R!**

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**Part Two: The Stuff from the Garden**

Alcwyn puts the weird thing in his backpack and I, Alcwyn and Taessy sprint out of the house towards the Castle Garden, Alcwyn positions himself next to the big rampart and holds his hands out. Taessy jumps onto his hand and Alcwyn pushes her up the rampart, I follow and help Alcwyn up.

While crouching over the rampart we have great sight over the garden, we can clearly see some shady people looking at the queen!

"Quickly! Get down on your stomach to prevent being seen!" I shout, the two Guildmembers follow my orders and we're now lying on the big rampart surrounding the Castle.

It suddenly became very quiet, the calmth before the storm...

The queen is sitting on a bench, looking at the white tree someone took from Ice Mountain, she isn't paying attention to the three big men behind her. They're wearing all black with highwayman masks on, they look very tough.

Suddenly the three men run round the corner and one man jumps on her while another grabs some rope out of his pocket, he ties her up and the third man gags her with a white fruit from the tree she was adoring. White fruit is very hard from the outside and is usually eaten cut up with a knife, mentioning cutting with a knife, the Queen is stabbed in her leg and is being dragged to a hole in the rampart. The kidnappers are out of the garden and are running towards the wilderness.

The king runs out of the Castle, he seems to have seen the kidnapping from his suite, and he also seems to have seen me...

"HEY! HEY!" he shouts at us.  
"ARE ALL YOUR BASE BELONG TO THEM?" he shouts confused, he's obviously startled from the kidnapping! His wife has been taken after all...  
"I mean, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THEIR BASE IS?"  
"We don't, but bring a few guards and we'll find the kidnappers" I respond, the King luckily thought we were just random people, we might've been arrested!  
"Alright, you follow them while they're within eyesight, I'll get a few guards and follow you"  
"Okay!"

I, Alcwyn and Taessy run out of Varrock and jump over the ditch, we see the kidnappers in the distance and run towards them.

Apparently they think nobody is following them, so we sneak up on them and grab their arms, subsequently we jump on their necks and throw them on the ground. We can see the King and a few guards running up to us and when they arrive we hand over the kidnappers. The Queen jumps on the King and kisses him, we've made the King happy!

"But wasn't that all way too easy?" Alcwyn suddenly asks, he's right, all we did was run toward the kidnappers and hand them over to the guards... Could there be something behind all this?  
"Oh come on, perhaps they were just some noob kidnappers? This couldn't possibly part of a great scheme!" Taessy says, she grabs our hands and leads us back to Varrock.

In Varrock, we find a buyer to sell our stuff to, and leave for Lletya. Taessy says she wanted to stay in Varrock to admire the business and thriving liveliness of the city, we were okay with that, she asks for the backpack and we give it to her. We left Varrock and left her there.

~Back on Lletya~

"Hey Guildmaster, have you recruited a new member?" Alcwyn asks Arianwyn, the Guildmaster who happens to be a rebel.  
"Not that I know of" Arianwyn responds, Alcwyn reacts surprised.  
"Wait, you don't know anyone called Taessy?" I ask surpised.  
"Nope"  
"So who was that in Varrock...?"

~Varrock~

"Hey Boss, we've gotten rid of the elves and stole the weird thing for you, we've also put a little receiver on the Queen. How'd you get that receiver out of the Commorb you stole anyway?" Taessy asks to a person sitting in the dark.  
"Thanks for the thing, it's a level two Commorb which we can use to communicate with all the other thieves, as for the receiver, it's just the little green thing you see when you crack the old Commorb open. We've got everything we need for the attack... Get ready for it!" says the mysterious man sitting in the dark...

Thieves stealing from thieves, oh the lovely irony...

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This was kind of a shorter than short story, I didn't really feel like writing this anymore. So sorry for the half-assed ending. It's enough for this story anyway...


End file.
